A Dream to Cherish....

Though not for real, but she visited me in my dreams last night... I sailed on cloud nine when my sister knocked on my bathroom door, "Someone is here to see you" she yelled... "Who is it".... I yelled back... "Someone called XXXXXX".... "ask her to wait I will be down".... It was bliss when I heard that name.... Wrapping a towel I ran down to receive her...

I could only see a blur image of hers... am I going blind or something... I realised, it was because of the refraction of vision caused due to tear drops all ready to pounce out.....wiped my eyes and cleared my vision...

There stood an Angel waiting to see me... In white churidhars she stood there, God she is so beautiful... I appreciate the afforts you had put in to make a masterpiece... She had the most pleasing smile that I had ever seen complemented by prettiest lips...

Wished her, spoke to her, showed her around... kissed her good bye.... that was it.. but atleast, though in dream, she paid me a homage... and Love her for that....

Its your choice

"You Had your choice to make but you could have atleast replied"

She was adamant, she was not ready to budge, I messaged her apologising, I was really sorry but she was annoyed... She did not reply... I lost her once and for alll.... She would never be mine any more... Itzzz probably my friendzz who interfered got her pissed off on me... I did not want them to.. but I could not help it... they were just trying to be nice to me... But I should have resisted more...

I, should have spoken to her.. she was so reluctant to speak to me, I could have explained but she was so angry she wouldnt talk to me for sure.... I messed it up and I would never have a second chance for sure... She would never be mine for sure... My dream castle is bulldozed for sure.... I am sad... and am feeling bad... FOR SURE

I should have tried.. tried a little harder.. probably she would have listened.. but now she wont.. Its tooo late... I know and would repent it for life time... she did not accept... she had her own choice but aleast..

"She could have replied"

Angel of my Desire!!!

She came like a blizzard,
Got my heart to freeze
she laid a bed of roses
Then settled like a breeze.

With a picture in her hand,
Over the flower bed she walked
When she reached my heart
On the door of it she knocked

I opened up the door
It was freezing out, to death,
An angel was there standing
She gave me what she hath.

I asked her whence she come from,
She didn’t stay to talk,
She turned around and moved away
Thence she continued her walk.

She disappeared in dark,
Then I looked at what I had,
It was a picture of an angel,
I have never felt so glad.

She had eyes, so beautiful,
It was so expressive and gay,
black like the eternal darkness,
a moonless night in month of may.

Lips were the tender petals of rose
Just out of their bud they bloomed
In a tad of attractive curve
Perfectly they roomed.

A small shiny nose
Perfect symmetric in place,
It was more like a jewel
On her pretty face.

She was so fair and beautiful,So delicate,
could be stained by my words
She was a celestial Angel
Dearest to the almighty, the Gods.

I am such a fool,
I fell in Love with her,
God please don’t punish me,
Please don’t throw me to the LER…

She would be like a flower,
In my garden of Love,
She would never know what pain is,
I would have, all of them tow.

God! give her to me,
I would treasure her like a treasure,
Happiness is what she will have always,
Happiness that even you can’t measure.

Dedicated to the Girl of my Dreams….

My Quarantine

Great News..... I have an announcement to make... This 7th Day of October 2009 Wednesday, I added another one to the list of my quarantines... I am really really pleased with myself. I take it as a great achievement. It was a difficult decision to make but I had to do it for sure. Very selective few gets this opportunity to be lucky enough to be isolated by me. Only if someone is desperate and cant live without being quarantined is when I allow them to be added to the list. You should be proud My Dear that you have crawled through my emotions to find yourself a place in the list. Its a great achievement and you can boast about it, its like a life time achievement award. Great job and keep it up.

However just to check how many are there in the list I clicked the button called my quarantines, it would be fun just to go over and take a look at the list and bring back the incident how these lucky people landed up there, from your unconscious self back to consciousness. To my depair, I hoped it to be filled with pictures, to my sheer astonishment, there is only one there, the one that I added today......

How can this be, this means that over these years I found only one whom I have isolated from me. That's amazing, how is this possible, some system error it seems. I refreshed again the result was same, I rebooted and checked but to my disappointment the result was the same. There is no system error. This shouldn't be so, I enquired, searched every nook and corner to find someone if I have missed.. I was deperate, but I dashed my hopes, there was no one else....

Probably because I am a joker and a factor of people's amusement. I dont have feelings because I have to sport a look that would amuse people. I cannot have feelings because I should be making people laugh through my acts and for which however hurt you might be you will have to sport a look that would be amusing. Try and sport that you are cool for kids to be entertained. Life had his toll on me and made me one joker. And my quarantine gave me this revelation. Thanks to my quarantine for making me sad I learnt a new feeling today probably thats why I started with my new list of quarantines. Today was the day of realisation, what people think about you, what do they feel about you, how they change colors like chame-leon, how they are not what they make you feel they are.....

Thanks for this revelation I would try to change, to change for my good, to change that people refrain from looking at me as a joker anymore, to change to be able to add more to the list of my quarantines.......

Heartfelt Thanks To MY FIRST QUARANTINE....

Best Place to Die

Last night I dreamt of her,
My Sentence was crying over a corpse,
She made him lay in her lap,
He was in his most blissful nap.

Than I looked close to see who was he,
To my amazement that he was me,
She stabbed him with his love, is what I heard people say,
I was dead but still I looked so gay.

My heart was bleeding, thats where she aimed,
She stabbed it straight, she had it lamed,
Damoiselle didnt realize what she was doing,
She was trying to wake me but I wasnt moving.

Each breath I took on the path of my death,
Bliss is what I felt, pain is just myth,
My damsel was crying, why did I make her cry,
But to tell you, for me, her lap was the Best Place to Die.......

Life is waiting and I must Go…….

She is so pretty

She is so kind

She is so beautiful

Though she is blind

I hurt her so much

And she take all of it

I throw it at her

But she never flit

She treats me like a baby

She treats me like a friend

She treats me like a brother

And I am also her husband

She brought me up

And she grew with me

And She made me a promise,

That she will leave with me.

She makes me happy

She makes me sad

She gives me pain

And some times she is bad

But we love each other

And for sure we know

She is calling me

And I got to go,

She is my "LIFE",

Though some times she is low

She is waiting for me now

And I must Go…………

Simple and Beautiful.....

This is Paarijatam.... Simple and Beautiful... Simple white petals with a touch of orange in middle because of its orange stem makes it look so beautiful doesnt it........

Truly Simple and Beautiful

Its a Sad Day.....

Its a sad day,

Oh! such a bad day,

I regret having asked for it,

I didnt know, they would give me shit.

Accepting it they had nothing to loose or gain,

Rejecting which they had me in grave pain,

Pain is not at all because, they had rejected,

Pain is because, the reason why they objected.

I felt they would give me, and I was so sure,

But they gave me something for which there is no cure,

I had been with them for such a long time,

This is the policy is what they mime.

People say, you need not loose hope,

But I dont know how should I cope,

I believed they will not say no,

But I am sad that it wasnt so.

Being sad is truly not me,

I am the kind who is always in glee,

But I dont know why today I feel so bad,

Probably thats the reason, why I am sad....

GOD FORBID HATRED

GOD FORBID HATRED, CAUSE I AM SEEKING LOVE.....

She Waited.....

She waited, waited and than she left....

Gandharaajan

Gandharajan, how truly someone has named this flower and thats what they call it in Malayalam. I dont know what this flower is called in English or in any other language and the only plant that I had seen is at my ammuma's (grandmother's) place. Gandha means smell no not smell but more divinely FRAGRANCE oh yes! its fragrance and not smell. Calling Gandha smell in english would be an insult to this flower. And Rajan means the King.. so in short the name signifies "THE KING OF FRAGRANCE" and how truly it lives up to its name you will have to smell it to know it my all time favourite flower for its fragrance. Its fragrance is truly heavenly, blissful......

Games Life Play......

She was so Ambitious during her university days. She did her MSc in Physics, I think the toughest stream in Science, (I used to Love this subject.... another game that life played but immaterial this time am talking about this Gurl)......she told me " in my specialization i topped den on a project i was sent to kalpakkam i was der fr 2 months in IGCAR i used to b so ambitious den"..... I could feel the regret in her voice..... I could feel how she felt..... a Mglr University Gurl... so ambitious.. I recon she should hav been a scientist by now...... But Life, he has his own role to play.... a big time actor.... a spoilsport...... she added "den i dnt knw wat happend i kind o gv up everyting...... i was lost ven i came to dubai" Imagine a gurl who was so ambitious who wanted to become a scientist, gradually gave up on her ambitions and feeel like she is lost..... imagine the kind of turmoil she is going through in her heart.... talking to her i felt my regrets are nothing when compared to hers.... a duffer like me is in a very good position, I feel so bad for her....

I remembered this other friend of mine a very intellectual guy who lost all his way through when he left Baghubhai (one of the reputed engineering colleges in Mumbai), joined Mithibai science and than left Mithibai and joined my college commerce... he was depressed and on bed for almost a year.....

My Sis another most Intellectual gurl I have known... dont know what went wrong... or maybe i know .... the dreadful arms of depression clenched her brains with its claws and was adamant it would not let go of her... but she fought it out...... brave gurl....

Thats Life Dears..... You wont know which turn is he going to take the next.....You cannot predict... I had been working on my Yearly Budget for Finance and was wondering how easy it is to Budget and Predict our Business future..... Hope Predicting the Future of our Life was as easy..... but as they say "BEGGERS ARE NO CHOOSERS" the most we can do is fight and fight and fight, fight with life, with all his mischievous tricks.... all his plans to de-moralize us..... all his way ward habits.... Be a fighter and a day will come when life will accept defeat and thats when its our turn like "EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY" its our turn now..... and thats when we can make him dance at the tune of our music.......

" WAITING IN ANTICIPATION FOR THAT DAY TO COME....... FOR MY SELF, AND MY FRIENDS AND MY SIS"............

My Apologies......

I Apologized to one of my division Managers yesterday...... My Apology email :

Dear XXXX,

I would like to apologise if you felt that I had been rude to you.

This exercise is check on our over all operations starting from fleet delivery to documentation to invoicing. This would be for the benefit of smooth working of our division there by ensuring profitable business with very marginal to zero level of discrepancies trying to achieve TQM. The Investments on our Fixed Asset Inventory is very high and ensuring that its all working as per the documents that we have maintained should be our primary objective. If an off-hired equipment as informed by the customer, due to pressure or miscommunication was neglected at site our documents will show that the equipment is off-hired however they are still on site probably totally neglected by the customer stating the reason that they had informed the supplier but supplier did not care to collect it back. To avoid such a situation this check was initiated by Mr. XXXX.

I didn’t try to disrespect you out of purpose in any manner, I am very naïve so far as my work experience is concerned around 7 yrs compared to yours. But still if you felt offended by any thing that I said I would like to plead sorry for the same.

With Thanks & Best Regards,
Siji Sundaran,

I DONT WANNA BE PSYCHO AGAIN.......

Exams are nearing and i am getting toooo scared. I think I am not working enough, but I feel like I am pushning myself too much. Isn't this an Oxymoron but this is what I am feeling. This indicates that I am confused. I am not sure how much is too much and how much is enough. I am not sure whether I should be putting in more efforts to clear with good marks...

I dont aim for the toppings but just wanna clear with some respectable marks.... some good percentage.... Now whats good is a tricky question... It should be something which should make me feel good... it should be something that would please me... something that would make me feel satisfied......

But I think I am going to go Insane by the end of this exams the tension, the obsession, the sleeplessness, the wakefulness, the stress, the tensity, the tautness, the elongation, the expectations, the scare..... all are collectively bogging me......

I believe in God and whatever happened, happens and is going to happen is for the best and as per the willingness of The Almighty. So I am going to take it as it comes to me and not going to push myself too much, I DONT WANNA BE PSYCHO AGAIN..........

No Recession for God…….

Just wanted to say Hi,
and let you know I am alive,
I know my presence add to your sorrow,
I would pray to God if I could borrow.

I am helpless and I am so ashamed,
What a situation God has me framed,
I feel guilty, its no fault of my, own,
The pain! I am breaking my head on the stone,

You ignored me and I felt so Bad,
U didn’t reply and it made me sad,
And I wrote this, for you to know,
If I could, I will take all your sorrow.

God’s great and he is there to watch,
Opportunities will come you should be there to catch.
My Dearest friend you need to fight on,
And time will come all your sorrows will be gone.

You are a fighter and I know for sure,
Time is the illness, time is the cure,
God will give you the strength to fight,
As you know every, day is accompanied by night.

When night is gone its dawn you will see,
And then I am sure u will remember me,
And remember as, said by your DAD,
There is indeed no recession for GOD……

one of the best consolations by a Dad

Dad : k no need to b upset dear. leave it to the Lord he will get u a job on time if u need a job if u dont find a job, u will consider it as God's will. so there is nothing to b upset abt it.

Dad : this is not the only company in dxb. there r thousands. if the Lord want u to continue in dxb, He will provide u another job rite on time.

Dad : Dear, there is no recession for God

Such a Cool Dad.....

Life is no more Complicated but Weather is.....

A week back I was feeling as if my life is getting into a big messs.... I was getting all messed up in my brain.... the weird feeling of adding another chapter to your life was indeed so WIERD.... But I thank Ayapppa its no more as complicated as it was last week. I had beeen on the verge of falling offf a cliff with my soul trying to move out of my complicated life and tryin to escape as if there was no tomorrow... But its all sorted out now and normalized... and I am enjoyin the feelin that its all over..... its all eased out.... my brain is no more tyyin to get into the psychosis it was tryin to get into... Its bliss now.... I am now on Cloud Number 9....... I am on the Seventh Heaven.... Walkin on Air.... carryin my Normalized life with my Brain and my Body and my Soul in total Harmony....

Life is no more Complicated however the Weather is goin crazy now.... its rainin in Dubai when it is supposed to be 36 Degree Celcius hot..... GLOBAL WARMING IS SHOWING ITS EFFECTS..... PEOPLE BEWARE....... SUSTAINABLE DEVELOPMENT IS THE NEED OF THE DAY....

SOMEONE REVAMPED THE BLOGGER IN ME

I would really like to thank this really gooooood friend of mine and a girl & so a girl friend....... she encouraged me to get back to blogging and post something occasionally if I cannot regularly....... so i write this blog entirely dedicated to this friend of mine and a girl so a Girl Friend.... Its been a while since I had written and so I have lost the appetite and the flair for writing. It was my birthday of 2005 that my last post is on..... Inshallah henceforth I would keep posting atleast for her to read, cause she asked me to do so....

Thank you very much Dear...... n you had been the only source of encouragement for me in this far off land Away from my Mother and My Land.....

God Bless You......